I'm the alpha! No, I'm the alpha!

Actually, neither of these kids is the alpha.

Not it.

I am. I learned early on with Pickle that I had to be the boss. That realization sunk in when he took my seat on the couch and then growled when I told him to scoot over. That was the last time he was every allowed up on the couch. I will always be grateful for the Nothing in Life is Free tips for dog training. The Humane Society also has some helpful NILF training ideas.

Very convincing "lay down"

It's almost as simple as it sounds. Nothing good happens to the dogs without them earning it. If they want water, food, rubs, toys, etc. they have to first do a trick. Not only do they learn that you're the boss, but you can't help but expand your trick options.

So dramatic.

I had a dog years ago who learned to sit. Then learned to high five. Then learned to roll over. Then quickly learned that when I said "sit" he would get the treat even faster if he sit-high five-rolled over in one smooth motion. Dogs are geniuses.

 

There is a lot of talk about how we domesticated them, but it seems to me that they ended up with the gravy in this deal. If anyone were to eavesdrop on my morning conversation to (not with) Pickle, they would likely hear me explaining that I am only leaving him so that I can afford to feed and house him. You can't be a dumb species when you manage to ingratiate yourself into billions of homes and hearts where you have food, toys, kisses, fluffy beds and medical care all for the exchange of a little affection.

And the whole thing runs smoother when everyone knows their place. I am the boss lady. One of them has to be the beta and one of them has to be the Greek word for C. And they can't figure out who it's going to be. Or at least, it doesn't appear to me that they have it figured out. I try to see who goes through doors first, but it varies. I try to see who gets in between me and the other one - but they both vie for my attention. I watch to see who sleeps in the best beds. They both take the floor. I have even asked them several times, but they aren't talking.

What's the password?